Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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