Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
