That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
