i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
