alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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