Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
