you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This house was built for laser tag.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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