I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
