dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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