May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
