Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
