I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
