guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
