i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
