Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
