He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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