Midget sex pt 2 tonight
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
