Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
