hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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