Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
