Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
