I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
