Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
