She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
