I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
