Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
