ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
