my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
