I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
