So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
