we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
