Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
