doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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