this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
