If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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