You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He better not be in your backpack
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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