More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
only you would photoshop your dick
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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