You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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