he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
