The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
