Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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