Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
