At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
