ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
