You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
