Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I need water and some morals
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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