why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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