Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
