I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
