There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
