Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Come share oat with me in your robe
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
