Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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