Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
