the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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