Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
